Part 2: Karen
We all have that friend. Let’s call her Karen.
If your name is Karen, please replace the word “Karen” in this blog to Barb or a name of your choosing. (insert happy/nervous emoji here).
Karen is that “friend” that you always question. You question her intentions, you question if she actually wants what is best for you, her true feelings about you and there’s always that feeling that something is off but then you think… no no no I am overthinking this. I am the one making these assumptions. You’re probably not. What you don’t realize yet is that Karen was actually placed in your life to teach you a life lesson, she was meant to be in your life for a season and that season is now over. I hope after reading this that you can recognize your Karen and know that the season is changing.
Let’s rewind to one month before I was engaged.
I am driving home and I get a FaceTime call from my best friend. She never randomly FaceTimes me unless it is planned so I knew exactly what she was calling about. She does not know this still but after I finished the FaceTime with her and her new fiancé, I cried the whole way home. Not because I was mad she was engaged but because I wasn’t. I love her and I was so excited for her because if anyone deserved it, she did. She’s an amazing friend, girlfriend, worker, human and now fiancé – yes, she deserves every happiness. But why did I think I didn’t? Why was I staring at my bare hand on the steering wheel as if this was never going to happen for me? It was a strange experience. I had never felt so jealous in my life. Why was I acting like a Karen? Stop. I went from screaming on the phone ecstatic and so happy for her to crying and feeling sorry for myself the rest of the way home. Why?! Why do we do this to ourselves as women?! Why am I jealous of you when I am happy in my own relationship?! Is it just because I don’t have a ring on my finger? Why am I comparing your relationship to mine when they are completely different?
The answer… I am IMPATIENT. But ladies and gents, it felt better to cry. It was that cry when you look at yourself in the rear-view mirror to see your tears and for some reason you feel better if you watch yourself cry. THAT kind of cry. I know… pathetic right? I never told her this because she is my best friend and like I said, she deserved to celebrate this moment in her life. I knew it was my own problem to get over. Fast forward one month. I get engaged. This beautiful, exhilarating moment. I am soon to realize that some friends DO NOT keep these emotions to themselves. The emotions of jealousy, resentment, blame and frustration. THESE are Karens. I have empathy for these “friends” as I get it, I know these jealous feelings. However, the Karens in the world, they have no shame in showing their negativity and it is true what they say, you learn fast who your friends are the moment you get engaged.
What I didn’t tell you in Part 1 was while my family was celebrating the proposal around the fire, I had forgotten that I booked one of my then friends for a lash appointment. Doorbell… Karen. The moment I told her I was just proposed to, I could tell she was upset. This was a friend that previously told me that she would be mad if I got engaged first so I already had nerves about telling her once it happened. She didn’t want to see my ring, she kept apologizing that she was there, and she had tears in her eyes on the way out the door. This was the taster of what was to come.
In July 2019, we were trying to figure out who would be in our bridal party. WHAT. A. DISASTER. Advice tip #3: do not tell any friend they will be in your wedding party before you are engaged. Oh yes, I made that mistake. I wanted the world to be in my bridal party. I probably told 10 + girls over the span of my dating life that they would be in my bridal party, not thinking anything of it. So, what happens when you actually get engaged? THEY THINK THEY ARE IN IT. You now must figure out how to undo your 18-year-old girl mistake. With many different friends’ groups, I did not want to choose between friends. Him and I made the decision together that we would only have family in our bridal party to right this wrong. Who could be mad at me for choosing my sisters and his sister? As it turns out, many people!
I entered a boxing ring with multiple friends. Ding ding ding… round 1. Explain to your 3 best that they aren’t in it. These are the friends you ACTUALLY wish were in your wedding party but you can’t have them now without hurting other friends. So what is the bandage? You hope that they are happy with a different role in your wedding. I stand by advice tip #3… this all could have been prevented if I followed advice tip #3. Hindsight being 2020 – the Gracious Gretas in your life won’t actually care and will stand by you whether it is beside you or in front of you at your wedding. The Karens? Who’s Karen? Haven’t seen her and she hasn’t messaged me in years.
Round 2. I get replaced in a wedding party. Oh yes… I got REPLACED in a wedding party because she was so hurt she wasn’t a bridesmaid. Also, she didn’t care to tell me I got replaced. I had to ask her to go for coffee to find out. Karen.
Round 3. Another Karen got so upset that I wrote name + Guest on her invitation. I didn’t realize that meant I didn’t take her relationship seriously. She never actually expressed she was upset over not being in the bridal party but I think the invitation emotion explosion said it all.
Your inner Karen really doesn’t come out and say hi until your best friend gets engaged. We all have an inner Karen – but it is your decision to stop and think do I want to be a Karen or should I make the decision to be a Greta and support my friends through their victories?
Women bond through suffering, we do not bond through success. We complain about the man, family or our careers and we thrive together over the negative. Why?! How backwards is that?! What about women supporting women? Be a Greta and stick with the Gretas in your world. Advice tip #4. These are the ones that bond with you through success. They praise you when you achieve, they are your shoulder when you need one and they are the ones that make you smile, not cringe, when you see their name come across your phone. You will begin planning your wedding with so many opinions from friends and family and every single personality has a different opinion! Go to the bathroom (because that’s where we all do our deep thinking), think about who your Gretas are and ask them to go for a coffee to talk it all through. Little secret… they will probably tell you to do exactly what YOU want.
Lastly, put whoever you want in your bridal party. There is a reason you choose certain people and if the others are Gretas, they won’t care and will simply be smiling in the crowd. The Karens will only be there for the remainder of the season.
